Final Weigh-In

Last night was a bit of an emotional roller coaster. We had our final weigh-in for the Iron County Weight Loss Challenge. I knew I couldn't win for pounds lost, but thought I might come in second. I also thought I might win for inches lost. I told myself over and over that it didn't matter anyway. I was a winner, no matter what happened. But let's just be honest here, who doesn't want to WIN? Who doesn't like bragging rights? And who doesn't want to win when the prize is CASH?? Okay, so I wanted to win. Pretty badly. I'd been crazy all day long, weighing myself in the morning, after I showered, after I went to the bathroom, after I changed my clothes before I left for the meeting, etc., etc.... (So, I'm obviously not in as fantastic a mental place with my weight loss as I thought I was.) Mostly, though,I just wanted to reach my goal of 20 pounds lost. I was only about a pound and a half away from that goal, and I really, really, really wanted to reach it. So, with my heart pounding I stepped on the scale at the meeting, and............ YES!!  I'd lost 2 pounds in the last week and reached my goal!! I was elated.  

Then I went and sat in the meeting area while I waited to be measured. And there, staring at me from the wall, was my "before" picture. Yikes. There are very, very few pictures of me alone. I've learned great picture-posing strategies, like hiding my body behind my husband or a couple of the kids. For some reason, when I look in the mirror I'm able to trick my mind into thinking I'm thinner than I really am. But, cameras don't lie. So when I see a picture of myself in all of my hugeness I once again die a thousand deaths. Ouch. So, there was pain that I had looked like that, and relief in the realization that I looked at least a little better now. See, I told you it was an emotional roller coaster.

So, then I was measured, and I was up on the emotional swing again when I saw how many inches I'd lost in the past 8 weeks. I think it was like 5 or more inches off my hips, and 5 or so off of my thigh, etc. How could I not be excited about that??  Then class started, and Austin had some really great and inspiring things to say about continuing our journey. I even got choked up a little bit, because for the first time I got it. I totally got what he meant, because for me this was absolutely not the end. This was not some diet I was on and would be going off of. This was a real change. A new lifestyle. For the first time ever, I didn't have the fear in the back of my mind saying, "But what if you go back to your old habits and gain the weight back?" I'm actually a different person than I was 8 weeks ago. Amazing.

Then it was time to annouce the winners. I was not at all surprised when they announced the winner for pounds lost-- I knew she was way ahead of me and that she would win. But when she also won for inches lost, I have to admit that the roller coaster plummeted down the hill once again. And seeing her hold all of that cash brought out a little bit of the green envy monster in me. ("There go my new running shoes I was going to buy with the prize money... ")  But, really, it was okay. My new way of thinking is worth way, way more than prize money, or even the running shoes I was going to buy with it. "We're all winners" sounds cheesy, but it was true. Then Kristen asked me to talk about how the challenge had changed my life. So, of course, I began very eloquently... by bawling, then babbling. But I was very sincere in my babbling, so I hope they at least felt that. :) 

After class I went to find out how many inches I'd lost total. I was so very curious about that. And I saw that I'd lost 25 inches. Wow. 10% of my body was now gone.  Can't complain about that!! And I saw that I was in third place for both pounds and inches percentage-wise. I was really close to the second place person, though. And then I tried to remind myself once again that the competition wasn't the main thing here. My new body, my newfound energy, and especially my new lifestlye and way of thinking are really what I won.

So, there marks a little milestone along the pathway of my wellness journey. I've still got a long way to go in pounds and inches, but for the most part the mental work is done. I'm so totally and completely committed to being well and healthy, more so than I have ever been.  It's still hard sometimes, and I still want to eat emotionally sometimes, but I'm am doing so much better than ever before. I'm on my way!!!!